aka: now what?
Women, too, have been socialized to believe that the ultimate arbiters of their appearance are men, that anything they do with their appearance is or should be “for men.” That’s why women’s magazines trip over themselves to offer up advice on “what he wants to see you wearing” and “what men think of these current fashion trends” and “wow him with these new hairstyles.” While women can and do judge each other’s appearance harshly, many of us grew up being told by mothers, sisters, and female strangers that we’ll never “get a man” or “keep a man” unless we do X or lose some fat from Y, unless we moisturize//trim/shave/push up/hide/show/”flatter”/paint/dye/exfoliate/pierce/surgically alter this or that.
That’s also why when a woman wears revealing clothes, it’s okay, in our society, to assume that she’s “looking for attention” or that she’s a slut and wants to sleep with a bunch of guys. Because why else would a woman wear revealing clothes if not for the benefit of men and to communicate her sexual availability to them, right? It can’t possibly have anything to do with the fact that it’s hot out or it’s more comfortable or she likes how she looks in it or everything else is in the laundry or she wants to get a tan or maybe she likes women and wants attention from them, not from men?
The result of all this is that many men, even kind and well-meaning men, believe, however subconsciously, that women’s bodies are for them. They are for them to look at, for them to pass judgment on, for them to bless with a compliment if they deign to do so. They are not for women to enjoy, take pride in, love, accept, explore, show off, or hide as they please. They are for men and their pleasure.” —Why You Shouldn’t Tell That Random Girl On The Street That She’s Hot » Brute Reason (via wrists)
Whether it’s the days you burn more brilliant than the sun
Or the nights you collapse into my lap, curling your body
into a thousand broken questions
You are the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.
I will love you when you are a still day.
I will love you when you are a hurricane.
It’s all well and good being physically attractive but talk to me about something interesting like the possibility of free will in a deterministic universe and my pants are off.
- Reality Check: There will always be someone thinner than you, no matter how thin you are. Aiming to be the "thinnest" "sickest" "worst" is a pointless goal because you will never achieve it.
- Reality Check: Eating at night/in the morning/after working out/before working out/at someone's house/in front of people/more than your sister/even if you just ate an hour ago/more than X times per day will NOT make you gain weight. Weight gain is about calories in vs. calories out, not about where/when/what/in from of whom you eat.
- Reality Check: Fat is not bad. Fat is necessary in order to absorb calcium and many other nutrients. Fat is part of a balanced diet.
- Reality Check: Sugar is not bad either. Sugar helps balance cravings. If you completely avoid sugar, your cravings will only get stronger. Eat sugar when you crave it to avoid binging on it.
- Reality Check: What you see in the mirror is probably distorted. Instead of body checking, create affirmations for yourself. I am strong. I am brave. I am compassionate. I am loved.
- Reality Check: People care about you. I can guarantee someone out there does. Someone loves you and cares about you and it's killing someone out there to see you hate yourself and hurt yourself. Even when you think you're completely and utterly alone, you're not. Because I care and if you ever need someone, I'm here.